0804181551GMT8


Memang setahun sekali eh aku tulis blog LMAO.

Anyway I am now a fifth year student. Woohoo. A senior tapi still rasa bodoh :') Apa benda aku belajar selama ni tah. Tak tahu lah. Manusia takde vision macam ni tak patut hidup sebenarnya.

A lot of things have happened. Like how I decided to move out from our old house. It did help me feel a little better fortunately. I don't like to be reminded how super miserable I was last year. I'm glad I escaped. I wonder it would be like if I was still at the same place.

Although I feel like I will be miserable again, at least I'm miserable at some new place.

Last week, it was spur at the moment that I decided to go for some facial treatment. I had always been in denial by telling myself my skin is okay, I don't need any treatment. But it just gets looking at people having glass skin and look at you, gosh. I don't expect a perfect skin. Just a little better-looking skin.

I also decided to go for a jog everyday, just on a treadmill though. I hope, really hope it will help me physically and mentally.

Let's see when and what I will hear from myself again next time. Ciao.


2404172233GMT8


Greetings!

Cepatnya masa berlalu! Genap setahun from my last post (I think?). Hahaha!

Sooooo how am I now? Am I better than last year? :)))


NOPE


NOPE


NOPE


Who am I kidding?

I apologize to the past-me. I haven't changed at all. I am still that miserable little piece of shit.

If not, worse. (I even had suicidal thoughts haha)

I'm sorry, me :')


The only thing that has changed since before is the fact that I am now a fourth year student! I don't know how to feel about this. I mean, yeah, I am happy that I passed my papers last year. I also finally managed to get A for the last semester.

But my life is not getting better at all. I know I keep whining but - well, I hate myself for that too. I find myself being less happy each day, losing interest in whatever I used to have fun doing. Hmm. Maybe I need help. No, I really need help. I want some help. Honestly.

I am extremely exhausted with my own thoughts. With myself. I wanna run away from who I am. I need a break from everything.


UGH.



2405160034GMT8


こんにちは。久しぶりだね!おげんきですか?


Memang mood menulis aku datang bila tengah emo.


I have a lot in my head but I don't know where to start. God...


You know, sometimes aku rasa aku ni lemah sangat. Cepat lemah semangat. Pernah lah kadang rasa aku ni someone yang kuat. Tapi salah. Aku lah paling lemah. To the point rasa macam ugh. Penat.


Tahun ni sangat lah stress. Aku pun tak tau apa sebenarnya yang buat aku rasa camni. Ada banyak possibilities. I'm afraid about a lot of stuff.


Aku nak balik rumah. Aku nak rehat dekat rumah.


Selagi tak balik selagi tu aku tak rehat. Tapi banyaaak sangat benda yang aku kena buat sebelum balik rumah. Ada benda kritikal yang aku kena lalui.


I read my old posts and it was just two posts away yang aku kata tahun ni aku nak kurang cakap, kurang kan everything. I just want to focus on my study.


Tapi lah....... Tahun ni la aku paling aktif. I'm not saying being active for school projects ambil masa aku study. But honestly, it bothers my mind. Aku penat fikir and being stressed. Don't ask me apa yang aku buat sampai stress sangat. I just feel them ok?


I suddenly lost motivation to study.


Aku sedih.


Something is making my heart feels heavy but I don't know what. I can only say I wanna go home.


Tahu tak, kadang-kadang aku balik kelas, and baring atas katil. I feel like,


"God.... I'm such a trash, aren't I?"


I need a pat in the back. I need a shoulder to lean on. I feel so weak.


Tapi aku nak cerita kat siapa?


And how do I even do that?


My head is a mess. My heart is a mess


I feel so useless.


I need my quiet peaceful life back.



I need help.